extremely hard day today.
Patients everywhere ... and of course all the pretense of being seen first.
A growing number of people is perched right to be visited only by the "white doctor", with danger more and more 'that the real "doctor Mzungu" is in fact' "eaten" by minor issues and sometimes non-existent people who refuse to see any other health official ... and contrasted with the spectrum and more and more 'possible that these people will take away time and energy to mental dedicated to a' really serious.
Today for example, when G. and 'came to me in tears saying he had "lost" a young 16 year old patient suffering from severe renal failure, on the one hand I have defended me psychologically, and I told her that performed by the echo in the morning was clear that the ill was split: destroyed kidneys, ascites, echocardiographic scary with reduced ejection fraction, hypertension, uncontrollable ... Pero 'is also true that, after the ultrasound, I did not even remember to go visit him again, and I left to G., a young doctor almost graduate, set the full weight of the therapy to a patient so' complex.
It 's true that I did not because of laziness ... indeed! I worked like crazy even skipping a nap, and now as 'usual, but what I did in fact'? I performed a gastroscopy to a poor man with esophageal cancer, and I practiced a biospia ... This was certainly needed! I worked two inguinal hernias and un'emorroide ... and this 'is more' than good! I helped a little 'room in dentistry, where today there was "an invasion of the Tartars" Ninni and finished at 20.30.
But at the same time I visited a lot of "psychosomatic" and "sick imagination" but that 'does not accept any other se non il sottoscritto, adducendone le ragioni piu’ disparate.
La motivazione piu’ comune mi sembra la distanza: pare quasi che il provenire da lontano autorizzi e dia il diritto di scegliersi il medico... e soprattutto di rifiutarne altri!
Deve essere molto imbarazzante per il Dr Ogembo essere libero e senza pazienti, ma sentirsi dire in faccia: “non ti voglio. Io pretendo il dottore bianco”.
E’ una situazione di disagio per il mio collaboratore, ed un grande peso fisico e psicologico per il sottoscritto, soprattutto quando, alla sera, ti sembra di aver lavorato da bestia, ma, alla fin della fiera, di aver trascurato proprio i piu’ gravi.
Ancora G. mi ha raccontato di una ragazza ricoverata durante la notte per un tentativo di suicidio con ingestione di anticriptogamici: G. mi ha parlato della lavanda gastrica e di tutti gli sforzi fatti per tenerla in vita; ho guardato la cartella, e la terapia e’ stata ineccepibile... ma ho provato una morsa al cuore pensando che questa ragazza e’ riuscita nel suo tentativo anticonservativo; e’ passata per il nostro ospedale ed io non ho avuto neppure notizia della sua presenza... se non quando era gia’ morta.
Ogni giorno mi sembra di essere stremato, ma di non fare mai le cose piu’ necessarie: se mi dedico di piu’ ai ricoverati, poi mi I get angry cries of those who claim to have done 300 km for my visit, I visit that I then denied.
If I throw myself on the sick patient, the risk of visiting those who make the voice more 'big, then overlooking the department where people are worse. If, within the operating room, and we stay all day, I feel remorse for not giving it attention 'to the patient it' to the hospital.
I think it's like the story of the blanket too short ... from anywhere in the shoots, leaves always found something.
Maybe it 's a siuazione to accept with humility' We can not do everything, and the important 'to the maximum, and then accept that we are not omnipotent.
And also we are not even the machines, so sometimes it 'lawful also say: "I'm too tired and I can not own more', even if the guilt and 'insured.
Fr Beppe
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